ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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