just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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