I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
