I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
