Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
