ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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