Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
