I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
