you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
