So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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