it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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