It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
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