Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
