I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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