It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
