Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
