it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
