please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
