yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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