Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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