Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
