Buhtt sex?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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