Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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