Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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