You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
