I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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