Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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