Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
