I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
