You smell like stripper and shame
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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