This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
