Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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