ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
is it fun? or sober?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
