i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
