You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
