Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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