soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
