At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
