Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
