I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
