I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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