i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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