Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
