I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So many bounce houses so little time
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The adults are the big ones right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
