never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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