so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
