I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
