Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
