I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
