He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
