He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
