so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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