what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
